


King Of My Heart

by pendragonally



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Arguing, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Caring Merlin (Merlin), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, Family Drama, Fluff, Happy Ending, Insecure Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Intimacy, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:00:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28818180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pendragonally/pseuds/pendragonally
Summary: Communication has never been Merlin and Arthur's strong point, and when things spiral out of control Merlin only hopes there's enough love left between them to fix what they're both guilty of breaking.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 100





	King Of My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> Welcome to my first fic of the year!  
> Technically this was the first merthur fic I ever wrote, months ago, because it was supposed to be posted as part of the scruffy Pendragon fest but I was too shy to join in, in the end lmao. Anyway I'm sharing it with you all now because I swear it glares at me every time I switch my laptop on. This hasn't been beta-read so please excuse any mistakes (including the formatting error with punctuation and extra spacing that I haven't got the energy to fix right now haha)
> 
>  **Warning:** I don't write it often but there is a rather long, explicit nsfw scene towards the end of this fic, if that's not your thing then please kindly exit the fic now. There is also a very brief mention of vomiting. Please stay safe, I'm not responsible for you ignoring warnings and then reading something that you don't like for whatever reason.
> 
> I hope that 2021 finds you safe and well, please enjoy! ♡

*****

_“Are you happy with me, Merlin?”_

It was a question that had come seemingly out of nowhere a couple of months back, and Merlin hadn’t been able to properly put it out of his mind since. Especially when Arthur kept asking the same question when he least expected it.

Like when they were sharing a bottle of wine in front of the television or curled up in bed in what Merlin had believed to be post-coital bliss.

Apparently Arthur did his best _serious talking_ either after particularly intense lovemaking or when at least a little bit tipsy.

Of course each time Arthur asked, Merlin always did his best to reassure his boyfriend that yes he was happy with him and _yes_ he loved him very much. Arthur’s self-doubt and insecurities were nothing new to Merlin, but the frequency with which they seemed to be plaguing Arthur was enough to keep Merlin up late into the night sometimes, watching Arthur sleep fitfully, repeatedly smoothing out the frown that marred his handsome features and kissing his hair until he settled again.

Merlin was worried, didn’t like this change in his boyfriend’s behaviour, but he _did_ have a pretty good idea what had started it. Unfortunately that didn't make the problem any easier to solve, especially as it was _family bullshit_ , as Arthur put it every time Merlin asked what had put him in such a bad mood whenever he came home from work with stormy eyes and a clenched jaw.

A few months ago, Arthur had discovered that his childhood friend Morgana was actually his biological sister, and that their father Uther had kept it from both of them all their lives.

Merlin hadn’t been able to hide his own shock when Arthur had told him one night after they’d had a fight that had blown up about something so ridiculous Merlin couldn't even remember what it had been about now. Arthur’s discovery was of course an accident, he’d been organising Uther’s paperwork because his personal assistant Gwen was off sick. There had been papers about amending his will now that Vivienne had passed away because Uther had apparently promised Gorlois long ago that he would take care of Morgana should anything happen to either him or his wife.

Vivienne had had an affair with Uther whilst her husband was abroad for an important business merger, and had then let Gorlois spend the rest of his life believing that Morgana was his daughter until he’d died in a car accident years ago.

If that hadn’t been enough, Arthur and Morgana had then learned through Vivienne’s will that Morgana had a half sister named Morgause; _that_ bombshell hadn’t gone down well with the Pendragon siblings, either.

The truth had rattled the family to the core, and the strain it was putting on Arthur became more obvious with each passing day. Everything had come to a head when Morgana had, after speaking with Arthur first, gone to Uther to talk to him about being the one to inherit the Pendragon family corporation instead of Arthur, as she loved working there and Arthur had been unhappy working under his father for the last few years.

Of course Uther being set in his ways, refused to budge on his archaic ideals that his son, not his daughter, would inherit the company and became CEO, and in a fit of fire and rage Morgana had given her notice at work, cut both Uther and Arthur off completely in favour of moving to a new apartment with Morgause.

The two of them had been inseparable since, and it had all but broken Merlin’s heart to watch how increasingly left out of the family Arthur clearly felt.

That was the first time Arthur had sobbed brokenly in Merlin’s arms, late into the night when they really should be sleeping and asking for the first time. “Are you happy with me, Merlin?”

“Of course I am, Arthur.” Merlin had told him, hurt that he even felt the need to ask. “I’m happy with you, I _love_ you. Even when we fight, even though your family has so many skeletons they’re running out of room in the closet and your father is the most… oppressive man I’ve ever met— I’ll always love you.”

Arthur had cried again then, and Merlin had kissed him until the tears stopped and he fell quiet, whispering _I love you too_ as he fell into exhausted sleep.

Things had been okay after that.

For a while, Arthur had been back to his usual boisterous, teasing self, but after one night at the local pub with their friends Gwen had announced that she and Lance were expecting their first baby Merlin had noticed Arthur’s moods slipping again.

Arthur was happy for them, that much was clear to him as the sky on a midsummers day, but perhaps he envied them too. Envied them for the family they were creating between them.

Since then Arthur had cut Gwen’s hours by half but was still insisting on giving her full pay, meaning that he had even less help at the office than before now that he was acting CEO because Uther had been spending less and less time at work since Morgana had moved away. Merlin hated seeing Arthur so distressed all the time, hated that it was putting a strain on their own relationship because no matter what he said or did to try and help Arthur simply shut him down.

He wouldn't even have a few drinks or something to relax, always using the excuse of having work to do. It wasn’t uncommon for Merlin to find him hunched over his laptop in his home office when Merlin came home from seeing their friends, and to then find him in the exact same place when he got up at 2AM to stop his bladder cursing him for drinking so much alcohol.

Today had been no exception. Arthur had been gone when Merlin rolled out of bed at seven in the morning to get himself ready for work and there was still no sign or word from him and it was after six in the evening.

“Merlin, why are you staring into Arthur’s office like it’s the gateway to another dimension?” Gwaine’s voice shook Merlin from his thoughts, and he laughed when he realised that he had in fact been standing in the doorway, staring into space and wondering if Arthur was okay.

“How did you get in here?” Merlin asked, turning to his friend and laughing harder still when he took in the sight of him wearing bright yellow rubber gloves and a floral patterned headband to keep his chin length hair back from his face. “What _are_ you wearing?”

Gwaine smiled, held up a bottle of bleach with one hand and a mop with the other. “The door was open, and you said your chores were getting on top of you because Gaius is running you ragged at work, so as your best friend I’m here to help… and to make sure you’re still coming to Gwen and Lance’s party at the pub later.”

Gaius was an amazing physician, but being a med student trying to live up to his expectations had Merlin coming home feeling like his brain was about ready to melt and run out of his ears, housework the last thing on his mind.

Gwaine was an angel, apparently.

“Of course I am.” Merlin glanced back at Arthur’s empty home office before leading Gwaine into the kitchen where he could put the bleach and mop to good use. “I expected Arthur to be home already. He promised he’d come tonight.”

They worked quickly, making short work of the dishes and cleaning both the countertops and the floor. Merlin even put on a load of washing without forgetting to remove several of Arthur’s dry-clean only silk shirts from the laundry pile first.

“Speaking of Arthur, shouldn’t he be the one standing here looking like a ridiculous housewife, or is he being too much of a princess to help out himself?” Gwaine laughed, eye crinkling at the corners the way they always did whenever he found one of his own jokes funny.

Which was pretty much all the time, honestly.

Merlin laughed along too, used to Gwaine’s good-natured teasing. “He’s not being a princess, he’s just busy a lot.”

“Too busy to pick up after himself?”

“Well I see the two of you are having a good laugh at my expense.” Arthur’s voice sounded from behind them and Merlin’s laughter died in his throat when he turned to see his boyfriend standing in the kitchen doorway, expression sullen.

“Arthur—" Merlin started, but Arthur just waved a hand dismissively.

“No, no, don’t let me stop you.” He turned away from the kitchen without so much as coming to give Merlin a kiss hello. “I’m going for a shower. I’ll hang the towels on the radiator afterwards all by myself and everything.”

The slam of the bathroom door a few minutes later made them both wince.

“I’m sorry Merlin,” Gwaine apologised. “I didn't mean to make him mad.”

Merlin sighed, throwing Gwaine a half-hearted smile. “It’s not you Gwaine, he’s been like this for a while. I should probably try and talk to him.”

“I’ll get out of here,” Gwaine smiled when Merlin led him to the door. “See you at the Rising Sun in a little while then?”

Merlin nodded. “I’ll be there— we _both_ will.”

Closing the door behind his friend, Merlin quickly finished up in the kitchen and wandered in his and Arthur’s bedroom to wait for him to be finished with his shower.

He occupied himself with changing into the clothes he’d picked out for tonight: a deep blue button down shirt that had been a gift from Arthur and his favourite black jeans that were _just_ the right side of fitted. Or at least Arthur told him once that they made his thighs look good, thin and shapeless as they seemed to Merlin.

“You going somewhere, Merlin?”

Merlin turned around to see Arthur walking into the room, a white towel slung low on his hips, water still dripping off the ends of his blonde hair and into a second towel he had around his shoulders.

Arthur was gorgeous, always had been, and Merlin thought it entirely unfair that even the gloomy expression on his face made him want to just kiss his pouty lips over and over until he had no choice but to smile again.

“We both are, to the Rising Sun.” Merlin refused to let Arthur’s (almost) nakedness distract him. Now was _not_ the time. “To celebrate Gwen and Lance’s baby news?” Arthur simply stared at him in a way he’d seen too many times lately. “Oh no, don’t give me that look, I _know_ that look.”

Arthur frowned. “What look?”

“ _That_ look,” Merlin huffed. “The one that says, not tonight Merlin, I have work to do.”

“Well I do have—”

“You _always_ have work to do Arthur and it’s getting out of control. You hate that damned office yet you never have time for anything outside of it anymore.” Merlin ranted, _you never have time for me anymore_ , he added silently. “We haven’t done anything together in ages and—”

“It’s not just work, Merlin.” Arthur interrupted, turning to walk away, towelling his hair as he went.

“Then _what_?” Merlin snapped, frustrated. “Do you not like spending time with our friends anymore? Is it… is it me? Have I done something to make you so distant?”

“You can’t have done anything because I’m not distant—”

“Yes you _are!_ ” Merlin wanted to just grab Arthur and shake some sense into him. “I understand that there’s been a lot going on and you’re under a lot of stress but I _miss_ you, Arthur. You’re rarely home and when you are you’re locked away in your office until long after I’ve fallen asleep waiting for you to come to bed.” Arthur looked at him, but remained quiet. “I can’t even remember the last time we ate dinner together.”

Arthur scoffed and Merlin almost recoiled at the sound. “And yet you seem happy to spend your time with Gwaine and making me the butt of all your childish jokes.”

“This is about before isn’t it?” realisation dawned on Merlin and he almost wanted to laugh. “One of Gwaine’s stupid jokes has put you in this much of a sour mood? Gwaine meant nothing by it, Arthur, you know that— he was just being an idiot as always.” He crossed the room, took one of Arthur’s hands in both of his own. “Come out with me tonight, please. Gwaine loves you, they all love you.”

Arthur’s impossibly blue eyes met his own. “And you, Merlin?” he asked, voice uncharacteristically soft and unsure. “I know you say you miss me but, are you really happy with me… with our life together.”

“You’ve asked me this before and my answer hasn't changed.” Merlin smiled, reached out to card his fingers through the damp tresses of Arthur’s hair. “Of course I’m happy with you, love, I’m just worried about you overworking yourself all the time, that’s all.” He pressed a quick, chaste kiss to the pink of Arthur’s mouth. “I’m your boyfriend, I’m allowed to be concerned about your wellbeing.”

Arthur smiled and Merlin couldn’t resist kissing him again, a little harder this time. “Then… I guess I can come out and celebrate with you. The company won’t fall into ruin if I take a night off.”

“Exactly. Now,” Merlin let a hand trail gently down Arthur’s bare skin to the towel just to watch the way the touch made him shiver slightly. “As much as I love what you’re wearing right now, you really should change, otherwise you’ll have every man in the pub trying to hit on you and I’ll be forced to fight them all.”

Arthur laughed, louder and more unrestrained than he had in a while. “You, fight and actually win?” he rolled his eyes playfully. “Don’t be ridiculous Merlin. You may be a lot of things _my dear_ , but a fighter definitely isn’t one of them.”

“I’m just going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” Merlin grinned, smacking Arthur on the backside as he made his way over to the wardrobe to find something to wear.

“Whatever makes you happy.” Arthur threw a smirk at him before dropping his towel to the floor and bending over a little to rummage through his clothes.

“You’re doing that on purpose,” Merlin muttered under his breath, forcing himself to turn away and dig out his wallet that he’d left in the pocket of the trousers he’d been wearing earlier.

They’d never get to the pub at all if he didn’t.

When Arthur was dressed less than fifteen minutes later, Merlin chose not to comment on the fact that he had decided to wear a pair of faded, slouch fit blue jeans and a black, long sleeved t-shirt with a little V-shape cut into the chest; something decidedly _casual_ in comparison to the fitted shirts and trousers Arthur usually wore whenever they went out. He also didn’t bother blow-drying his increasingly unruly mop of blonde hair, simply towelled it off and tucked the slightly curling strands behind his ears out of the way.

The choice of outfit didn’t bother Merlin, nor did the longer hair, beard and moustache. Arthur’s body, Arthur’s choice and all that, Merlin loved him regardless. What _did_ bother him was _why_ Arthur suddenly seemed so uninterested in his appearance or _making an effort_ as he always called it. Casual wasn’t really in Arthur’s nature.

That was a conversation best left for later though. Merlin knew he’d never get Arthur out of the flat if he brought it up now. “Ready to go?” he asked instead, smiling when Arthur nodded and let Merlin take his hand and lead him out of the front door.

The walk to the Rising Sun was a relatively short but pleasant one, and Merlin couldn’t deny how nice it felt to simply walk down the street with Arthur like this, hand in hand.

“Merlin!” Gwaine announced the moment he spotted them walk through the door, all but bounding over to pull him into a tight hug. “Hello gorgeous, glad you could join us. I missed you!”

Merlin rolled his eyes and pushed Gwaine away. “You say that like you weren’t over at the flat a few hours ago doing your best Cinderella impersonation.” He made his way over to the rest of his friends. “Elyan, Leon, Percy, it’s good to see you all.” he greeted, hugging them in turn. “And congratulations to you, Lance. Where’s Gwen?”

“Well, as it turns out morning sickness isn’t limited to just the mornings,” Lance said, nodding over to a table in the corner that a member of staff was furiously scrubbing at. “She had a bit of an accident after a glass of orange juice and has gone home to rest.”

“By accident, he means she projectile vomited over the entire table and almost hit the people sitting at the one next to us.” Elyan piped up, wrinkling his nose. “It was like something out of a horror film.”

Merlin felt bad that Gwen wouldn't be able to join her own party. “That sounds… disgusting honestly. Will she be okay on her own?”

“She insisted that I stay and have fun.” Lance said, and Merlin couldn't argue that it was such a Gwen thing to do. “She promised she’d call Morgana if things got really bad.”

The mention of Morgana had Merlin glancing at Arthur, who had surprise splashed all over his face. “Gwen is still in touch with Morgana?”

“Yes Arthur, didn't you know?” Lance sounded suddenly guilty.

Arthur shook his head. “No, I didn’t. It doesn't matter though— I know she’ll take good care of Gwen if necessary so you don’t need to worry.” He squared his shoulders the way he always did whenever he’d taken an emotional blow. “Who wants a drink then? First round’s on me.”

Watching Arthur make his way to the bar Merlin hoped that the tension clear in his body would lessen as the night went on. He wanted Arthur to let his guard down for once and actually enjoy himself.

“Admiring your princess are we?” Gwaine appeared out of seemingly nowhere and draped an arm across Merlin’s shoulders. Merlin elbowed him in the ribs then had to all but jump out of the way when the surprise had Gwaine almost spilling his drink all over the both of them. “You almost lost me a damned good pint!”

Merlin laughed, not in the least bit sorry. “That’s what you get for being such a torment all the time. I’m just pleased Arthur actually agreed to come out with us this time, that’s all.”

“I’m sure, and with that new look of his too.” Gwaine grinned, face alight with mischief. “I have to say I’m liking the hair most of all.”

Before Merlin could say any more to that Arthur was making his way back over and Gwaine excused himself to no doubt go and flirt with Percy some more.

“What was all that about?” Arthur asked, handing Merlin a drink.

“Gwaine nearly lost his pint,” Merlin chuckled. “Payback for teasing me for staring at you.”

Arthur glanced down at himself briefly, brow furrowed in an unhappy frown. “Is there something wrong with the way I look?”

“Of course not, you look fine.” Merlin assured him, reaching out to tuck errant hairs back behind Arthur’s ear. “ _More_ than fine, honestly.”

“But… you don’t usually stare, do you?”

Merlin shrugged. “Sometimes,” he wanted to lighten the mood, and hated that Arthur seemed so unsure all the time these days. Like he was second-guessing everything he did and said. “It’s not often I get to ogle your backside whilst you bend over a bar now, is it?”

A smile that was as awkward as it was adorable curved Arthur’s lips and Merlin couldn’t resist pressing a kiss to that smile, squeezing Arthur’s bicep gently as he pulled away. He wished he could take away the uncertainty that lingered in Arthur’s eyes but he had no idea how when he didn't know what was properly wrong in the first place.

Merlin hoped that Arthur would open up to him soon.

When Arthur turned away a little to ask Elyan how it felt to know that he was going to be an uncle, Merlin wasn’t surprised when Gwaine reappeared to tug him over. “What do you think to me, Merlin?” he asked much louder than was necessary.

“I’m not sure I follow,”

“Leon here thinks I need a shave and a haircut because I look _scruffy_ , but I’d always thought of myself as ruggedly handsome.” Gwaine ran an exaggerated hand through his hair. “It is your duty as best friend to tell me what you think!”

Merlin shook his head fondly. “I _think_ that you started on the beer earlier than the rest of us.” He said, grinning when everybody laughed, Gwaine included. “I also think that you are handsome and bloody obnoxious about it too.”

When Arthur made a sound that was somewhere between a scoff and an irritated laugh, Merlin wasn't sure if anybody but him noticed, but the wide-eyed expressions on both Percy and Gwaine’s faces told him that he was not the only one to witness Arthur’s sudden change in demeanour.

“Can I ask you princess, why it is these days you seem to have a colossal stick up your arse, hm?” Gwaine asked, as unfiltered as always.

Arthur looked completely taken aback at being spoken to that way and though Percy laughed, he swatted Gwaine on the arm. “What have we told you about tact, Gwaine?”

Gwaine shrugged and dragged Merlin over to Lance, and Merlin could only throw an apologetic smile back at Arthur and hope he wouldn’t be too insufferable about it later.

Almost exactly half a pint later, and Merlin looked up when he felt somebody squeeze his shoulder to see Leon standing next to him, face dark with apology. He’d been sitting at another table with Arthur since Gwaine dragged Merlin away.

“Leon, what is it?”

“I just thought I should let you know that Arthur just left.”

Merlin couldn't keep his mouth from falling open in shock. “He… what? Why?”

“He wouldn’t say,” Leon shrugged. “Just told me he wasn't in the mood for celebrating and to apologise to Lance for him for crying off early.”

“I—” Merlin glanced at Lance, who was already nodding towards the door.

“It’s fine, Merlin. Go after him.”

Merlin didn’t need telling twice. “I’m so sorry everyone. I’ll make it up to you all later I promise.”

He was half jogging out of the pub less than a minute later, and he turned to see Arthur most of the way up the street, clearly heading home.

“Arthur!” Merlin shouted, rushing to catch up to him. “Arthur wait up!” he grasped Arthur’s arm when he refused to acknowledge him at all. “What happened, what’s wrong?”

Arthur tugged his arm free. “Just go back to the pub, Merlin.”

“Don’t do that Arthur, don’t you _dare_ do that,”

“Do what?”

“Brush me off like this doesn’t matter— like _I_ don’t matter!”

Arthur stopped dead in the middle of the street and glared at him. “You’re not the one who doesn’t matter.”

“What on earth are you talking about?” Merlin was quickly becoming as angry as he was concerned, groaning in frustration when Arthur remained stoically silent. “Well can you at least tell me why you left barely twenty minutes after we arrived?”

“I’m not in the mood for Gwaine’s prattle, that’s all.”

Merlin didn’t know whether he wanted to shake him or slap him. Maybe both. “Arthur, he was _joking!_ And besides tonight was supposed to be about Lance and Gwen, not the rest of us— you’re hardly being fair to them behaving like this.”

“If it bothers you so much then go back!” Arthur’s voice grew louder, the line of his jaw clenched tight. “I didn’t ask you to follow me and I’ll just make it up to them later.”

“Just stop being an arse and join in with everyone _now!”_

“So I’m an arse now?”

Merlin sighed, scrubbed a hand over his face. “It’s not like you to sulk about something stupid Gwaine or anybody else says. You know what he’s like, a free spirit who never thinks before he speaks. Not everyone can be like you, Arthur.”

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

“It _means_ that not everybody can be so composed all the time.” Merlin gentled his voice, wanted nothing more than to smooth things over between them. “I’m fairly certain discipline is a word Gwaine has never heard of so of course the two of you clash sometimes but that doesn’t mean he’s being cruel. You know that.”

When they reached their front door Arthur rounded on him, cheeks flushed pink and eyes blazing with blue fire. “Why do you always do that? Always defend Gwaine for having no manners?” he didn’t wait for a response, turned and jammed the key into the lock so hard Merlin was surprised it didn’t snap. “Stop taking his side in this like _I’m_ the one in the wrong for wanting a little bit of respect in public!”

“You’re being completely unreasonable, Arthur.” Merlin said evenly, taking the time to kick off his shoes in the hallway whilst Arthur moved through their home like a tornado leaving destruction and humourless laughter in his wake.

Merlin could see the way Arthur’s whole body shook, the way his chest heaved as he breathed and wanted desperately to understand why this was happening _again_.

“I’ll ask you one more time Merlin,” Arthur turned to face him rather than staring out of the window or pacing the floor the way he usually did whenever they had some kind of disagreement. “Are you happy with me?”

“ _Yes!_ ” Merlin didn’t mean to sound so exasperated, but he was starting to lose count of how many times he’d had to answer the same question and he was so confused his head was starting to hurt. “How many times do I have to tell you?”

“Until it stops sounding like a lie.”

Merlin didn’t understand what the hell was going on. Didn’t know how they could go from enjoying each other’s company as they got ready for a night out to Arthur clearly being in yet another foul mood with a storm of an argument brewing between them.

He hated fighting with Arthur. Playful banter and teasing, sure, but fighting— just thinking about it was enough to bring tears to his eyes because they’d been at odds with one another far too often lately. “Arthur what’s going on with you?” Merlin asked, hoped he didn’t sound as desperate as he was starting to feel.

Arthur folded his arms over his chest, blue eyes deceptively void of emotion. “Nothing is going on with me.”

“Now who’s lying?”

“Shut up, Merlin.” Arthur went to turn back to the window to stare at who the hell knew what, but Merlin closed the distance between them and grasped his arm.

Every line of Arthur’s body was tense, and he glanced down to Merlin’s hand rather than meeting his eyes. “I won’t. Not until we’ve sorted out whatever this is.” Merlin sighed heavily. “You know I hate fighting with you.”

“So we _are_ fighting then?” Arthur did look at him then, fixed him with a glare that Merlin swore pierced through to his soul. “If that’s the case, you should have stayed at the pub like I told you to instead of following me home.”

Merlin fought the urge to roll his eyes. Knowing from experience it wouldn’t help the situation at all. “I’d rather spend my time with you.” He tried to smooth things over once more the best way he knew how: by appealing to Arthur’s ego. “Even when you’re terrible company because you’ve got a storm cloud above your head.”

“I’ve got a—” Arthur paused, shook his head. “You’re being ridiculous.”

Merlin actually scoffed at that. “You stormed out of the pub when we’d only just got there, won’t tell me what you’re so angry about _again_ and yet _I’m_ being ridiculous!” he sighed again, pushed a hand through his hair in frustration because sometimes, it would be easier to get blood out of a damned stone than get Arthur to actually open up about something that was hurting him. “Why can’t you just _tell_ me what’s wrong instead of talking in circles and expecting me to guess? And I don't just mean tonight, this has been going on for a while.”

“You’re imagining things,” Merlin didn’t miss the slight waver in Arthur’s voice.

“So I’m _imagining_ that tonight is the first time in weeks I’ve managed to get you to agree to come out with all of us when you used to love it so much? I’m imagining that your hair is the longest I’ve ever seen it and you’ve only shaved _once_ this week, even though you usually won’t be caught dead with so much as a shadow of a beard— you’ve even traded slacks and button down shirts for sweats and band t-shirts!” Merlin didn’t mean to raise his voice, and when he noticed the way Arthur’s face fell, the way he looked wounded, he took it down a notch or two. “Arthur, I just want to help, so please tell me what’s wrong.”

“You think there’s something wrong because I _look_ a little different?” Arthur didn’t sound angry anymore, he sounded hurt. Merlin almost preferred the anger. “Funny, because I don’t recall you asking Gwaine if there’s something wrong considering his hair looks like it hasn’t seen a barber’s shop in years, he shaves only when he can actually be bothered and _everything_ he wears is casual.”

“Gwaine—” Merlin really was lost. “That’s the second time tonight you’ve been angry about him. What on Earth does any of this have to do with Gwaine?”

“Everything!” Arthur shouted, pink splotches appearing on his face and neck the way they always did whenever he got angry or upset. “It has everything to do with him because he’s pretty much the _opposite_ to me and every time I see the two of you together you’re always so close, flirting and I just—”

“Flirting? Me and Gwaine do _not_ flirt!” Merlin backtracked when Arthur simply raised an eyebrow at him. “Okay, so maybe he flirts with me sometimes BUT that’s usually because he’s drunk and he flirts with literally everybody. You know this! Come on Arthur, it's Gwaine, you can’t seriously think…”

Merlin trailed off then, gobsmacked because the look on Arthur’s face told him everything he needed to know. Arthur wasn’t angry, or jealous— he was _insecure_.

“Arthur,” Merlin said gently. “Arthur look at me, love.” he reached out, brushing aside the long blonde of Arthur’s fringe to properly reveal those ocean eyes he loved so much. His heart cracked a little when he realised they were swimming with tears. “I swear to you, there’s nothing going on between me and Gwaine. Not now, not ever. In case you hadn’t noticed he’s got one hell of a thing going for Percy and besides, why would I look at someone else when I have you standing right here in front of me?”

“So you don’t— you don’t wish I was more like him?”

Merlin grinned. “What, a drunk, obnoxious flirt?” Arthur laughed a little and the sound was like music to Merlin’s ears. “There it is,” he said when Arthur’s laugh faded into a smile.

“There what is?” Arthur frowned at him, confused.

Merlin pressed the pad of his thumb to the corner of Arthur’s mouth and said. “That smile I love so much. Your smile is my favourite.”

“Now you’re just trying to butter me up.” Arthur said, face colouring in embarrassment. “I know you think I’m an arrogant prat who does everything my father tells me to do even when I don’t want to.” He sounded bitter, expression turning stormy again. “CEO Uther Pendragon’s perfect but completely mindless toy soldier.”

Shaking his head, Merlin simply reached out and pulled Arthur to him, ignoring the way he resisted the embrace at first and held him tighter still until he relented and let Merlin hold him.

“When you overthink yourself into this state, yes, you are a prat.” Merlin nosed into Arthur’s soft hair, words washing over the shell of his ear. “But the rest of it couldn’t be more wrong. Maybe when I met you I thought you a bit arrogant, but now I know you’re just headstrong and competitive in everything you do.” He pulled back, took Arthur’s face in both hands. “And you are no toy solider, you face every single challenge head on, you fight for what you believe in and you never back down. You never give up. If anything, you’re a _warrior,_ Arthur Pendragon.”

Arthur looked overwhelmed. A single tear rolled down his cheek and Merlin wiped it away without comment. “You really think so?”

“I _know_ so,” Merlin didn’t miss a beat and spoke from the heart because every word was true. “You were probably a king in a past life, and not just any king— the _best_ king the country had ever known.”

“Is this your way of trying to cheer me up?”

Merlin chuckled softly. “Maybe. Is it working?”

“Well, King Arthur does have a certain ring to it, don’t you think?” Arthur properly smiled this time, the previous hurt and insecurities slinking back to the shadows where they belonged— where Merlin had had to banish them far too many times to count. “Would you have been by my side, Merlin? Would you have loved me then?”

Swallowing hard against the emotion that swelled in his throat at just how serious Arthur sounded about this, Merlin nodded. “I’d have loved you then as I love you now.” He pressed a kiss to Arthur’s plush mouth. “And I’ll always be by your side. _Always_.”

The kiss Arthur pulled him into then stole the oxygen from Merlin’s lungs and every thought from his head until all that existed was the beautiful man in his arms and the love that they shared with one another.

Arthur’s kiss soon grew desperate, needy, and Merlin succumbed to it entirely, threading gentle fingers of one hand into Arthur’s hair and the other into the front of his t-shirt to tug him closer still.

“Don’t go, please,” Arthur almost whimpered when they eventually pulled apart. “Please,”

Merlin cupped Arthur’s face in his hands again just to look into his eyes. “Not going anywhere, I promise.” Arthur was trembling, and Merlin was struck with the desire to help him relax. “Come take a bath with me?”

A rasping little laugh spilled from Arthur’s lips, like the sound had been punched from him. “I suppose I could, but why? I took a shower only a few hours ago.”

“Because I want to take care of you.” Merlin said simply, kissing Arthur quickly once more. “Will you let me?”

Arthur nodded. “I’ll let you,”

Running a nice warm bath Merlin took his time undressing Arthur, dropping clothes absently onto the tiled floor, his focus completely on his boyfriend and pressing kisses to as much of his bare skin as he could. Heart skipping when Arthur reciprocated his actions, Merlin stood there in a room growing steadily warmer and revelled in the feeling of Arthur’s lips sliding over the skin of his jaw and down his throat, giggling quietly when the hair of Arthur’s slight beard tickled.

They hadn’t done this in a while, hadn’t taken the time to share intimacy in a way that always strengthened the bond between them. Not since Arthur had been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders in the form of parental pressure and old insecurities resurfacing.

Merlin had missed it, missed _him_.

He knew that Arthur was strong, probably the strongest man he’d ever met and that he could handle pretty much anything that was thrown at him on his own if needs be, but he also knew that despite his whining and reluctance to admit it sometimes Arthur also loved being pampered. Merlin thought a nice bath together would be a good place to start, then perhaps later Arthur would tell him what had really been troubling him.

Well, other than his obviously misplaced jealousy about the nature of Merlin’s relationship with Gwaine, of course.

“What’s so fascinating?” Merlin’s cheeks flushed warm under the intensity of Arthur’s gaze.

Arthur brought their lips together in an embrace that made Merlin’s knees a little weak. “You are, Merlin. You’re beautiful,”

When Merlin tried to pull Arthur closer still he stumbled a little, hit his calves on the side of the tub and almost toppled backward into it.

“Careful Merlin,” Arthur scolded playfully, holding Merlin tight to keep him from falling. “You could hurt yourself.”

Merlin kissed him again just because he could. “Not when you’re here to save me— my hero.” They both laughed then, clinging to each other to keep them both steady. “We should get in the tub,”

Nodding, Arthur gestured for Merlin to go first, and when he was settled in the warm water Arthur followed, choosing to sit between Merlin’s legs carefully so he could lean back against his chest. The sigh of contentment that followed had Merlin wishing he’d thought to suggest doing this sooner.

The two of them used to share a bath at least once a week at one time; anything to allow them a little more time alone in the bubble of their relationship. Work had gotten in the way too often of late, and Merlin made a silent vow to make _couple time_ for them more often.

Grabbing a washcloth, Merlin lathered up a generous amount of Arthur’s favourite shower gel — which was actually Merlin’s and scented like lemongrass — and ran the suds slowly over the defined curves of Arthur’s pecs.

Merlin loved Arthur’s body, all of its dips and curves and shadows, never got tired of seeing it or touching it, a point he made clear now as he kissed across the soft, damp skin of Arthur’s shoulders, pausing to nose into the juncture of his neck and kiss that too.

“Tickles,” Arthur gasped then chuckled when Merlin reached further around him to slide the cloth lower, over his ribs and stomach, down to his hips.

They stayed that way for a while, with Merlin taking his time washing Arthur and Arthur trying to press back ever closer with each touch of Merlin’s hands to his body.

The tension began to leave him, rolling away like the tide being pulled back across the sand by the moon, and it made Merlin feel warm inside, heart fluttering madly for no real reason other than Arthur was with him.

“There you go,” Merlin kept his voice soft and low, not wanting to disturb the calm that had settled over them. “I knew a bath would help you relax.”

“Arthur Pendragon, actually relaxing, and in his own bathtub, no less.” Arthur’s voice had taken on a teasing edge. “It must be a Christmas miracle.”

“It’s not Christmas,”

“Exactly, which makes it all the more amazing don’t you think?”

All Merlin could do was snigger into Arthur’s shoulder and swat his knee with the washcloth as punishment for telling such a terrible joke.

Pressing as close to Arthur’s broad back as he could, Merlin wrapped his arms around his middle beneath the warm, soapy water and held him so tightly he half expected them to literally melt into one another. Two grown men in a bathtub meant cramped space and being extra careful with limbs, but Merlin wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I can feel your heartbeat like this,” Arthur commented quietly, pushing back a little harder against his chest. “I like it. It’s… comforting.”

Merlin smiled though he knew Arthur couldn’t see it. “I’m glad you feel that way.”

“I’m sorry, Merlin. For ruining your night,”

“ _Technically_ we just skipped to the best part.” Merlin squeezed Arthur gently, kissed first the side of his neck and then his lips when Arthur twisted around in a way that couldn’t possibly be comfortable just to look at him with something akin to wonder on his beautiful face.

“There’s something about you Merlin,” Arthur paused, blue eyes searching his own. “Even after all this time I’m not sure what it is, but it’s almost like wisdom sometimes, with how you always know the right thing to say to me.”

Merlin felt suddenly emotional, but the last thing he wanted to do right now was cry. “You’re probably imagining it,” he joked, heart skipping several beats when Arthur laughed and grinned boyishly.

When Arthur kissed him then, Merlin felt something shift between them, the air becoming heated and charged when Arthur whined low in his throat and kissed him deeper, harder, their tongues meeting as Arthur managed to bring an arm up around Merlin to twine fingers into the back of his hair.

Barely a few minutes later and they were panting into each other’s open mouths, their embraces growing in heat and need with every desperate clash of their lips. Merlin let his hands wander, dragged his fingers up Arthur’s chest, through the light dusting of hair to rub and pull at his nipples and bite at Arthur’s bottom lip when he moaned softly in response to the touch.

Arthur had always been sensitive, it was one of the reasons Merlin enjoyed pleasuring him so much.

“Shit,” Arthur huffed a laugh of disbelief. “I’m hard and you’ve barely touched me.” He removed his fingers from Merlin’s hair and brought both hands to rest over Merlin’s on his chest.

“Don’t be embarrassed, love,” Merlin cooed, kissing the pink splotches on Arthur’s face and pulling his hands free to slide them down Arthur’s sides to grip at his hips. “You’re not the only one.”

Pushing his own hips up against Arthur’s backside to emphasise his point, Merlin let out a cry of surprised pleasure when Arthur shifted and pressed back in a way that had Merlin’s cock sliding into his crease.

It made Merlin wish he could just take Arthur right there in the bathtub.

Apparently Arthur was thinking something similar, because seconds later he was moving away from Merlin, manoeuvring onto his knees and bending over to the other end of the tub, arms braced on the edge and arse almost in Merlin’s face.

“Please, touch me,” Arthur was begging, pleading like something within him had snapped without warning. “Please Merlin, touch me inside.”

Merlin curled his hands around Arthur’s hips. “Arthur,” he whispered, leaning forward to press soft kisses into the base of Arthur’s spine. “No.”

“N-no?” Arthur sounded distraught. “You don’t want to— don’t want _me_?”

Holding Arthur steady when he tried to pull away, Merlin let a hand slide between Arthur’s soap slick thighs to tug at his balls for a moment then squeeze the thick length of his cock. It was a little awkward, the angle not quite right, but Merlin couldn't bring himself to care when the caresses had the muscles in Arthur’s thick thighs pulling tight as he moaned softly.

“Arthur I _always_ want you,” Merlin’s fingers found the head of Arthur’s cock, fingertips toying with it lightly, and Arthur gave a frustrated little whine when he tried to spread his legs wider but couldn’t in the already confined space of the tub. “But not like this, it’ll hurt you.”

“Maybe I want it to,”

Merlin kissed Arthur’s spine again. “No, you don’t.” he pulled away from Arthur completely, standing carefully to climb out of the tub and turning to hold a hand out to Arthur. “Now why don’t you let me take you to bed, where I can take care of you properly?”

“Okay,” taking Merlin’s hand, Arthur let himself be helped out of the tub and pulled into another fiery kiss, both of them moaning when standing chest to chest also had their groins pressing together. “Merlin,” Arthur panted, rutting against Merlin where they stood. “I need you inside me.”

It wasn't often Arthur got like this, impatient and needy, desperate for something inside him but when he did it was a beautiful thing to witness, made Merlin want to take him apart just to put him back together again.

“Anything you want,” Merlin promised, towelling both of them off as quickly as he could, separating from Arthur long enough only to pull the plug in the tub before he was all but dragging him down the hallway to their bedroom, towels abandoned on the bathroom floor.

Arthur was first to scramble onto the bed, settling on his knees with his chest down against the pillows and backside in the air. Merlin didn’t know whether to laugh or moan at the display.

“Eager, are we?”

“Don’t make a fuss Merlin,” Arthur folded his arms beneath his head, the tips of his ears glowing red. “Just get over here already.”

Complying Merlin grabbed the lube and a condom from the little bedside table and joined Arthur, settling beside him and stroking a hand up and down the back of his thigh.

“I promise you if you tease me tonight this will be over before you even get that condom on and I’ll never forgive you for it so you should probably get _on_ with it.” Arthur said, sounding so serious that Merlin actually laughed.

“So demanding,” Merlin scolded, though he was already covering several fingers in generous amounts of lube. “Perhaps I should start calling you _sire_.”

“If that pleases you,” Arthur said, the words breaking into a rather undignified shout when Merlin slid his middle finger between Arthur’s cheeks. “ _Jesus_ that’s cold!”

Merlin chuckled, a little embarrassed. “Sorry, _sire_.”

Before Arthur could make another clever retort, Merlin took to rubbing his finger over and around Arthur’s hole, enjoying the way Arthur’s breath hitched at the touch and his hips shifted back ever so slightly.

“More.” Arthur breathed, and Merlin indulged him, laying a hand flat to the bottom of Arthur’s back as though to ground himself as he pushed just the tip of his finger inside.

Impatience had Arthur pushing back on Merlin’s finger, briefly taking the entire thing to the knuckle before pain had him pulling off completely and cursing loudly.

“Easy, Arthur. There’s no need to hurt yourself.” Merlin told him firmly. “I said I’d take care of you and I _will_. Just breathe, and try to relax.”

Taking several audible deep breaths, Arthur hid his face in the fold of his arms. “Sorry,” his voice was muffled by the pillows, but Merlin heard him clearly enough. “Sorry.”

“Stop apologising,” Merlin chided gently. “Turn onto your back for me?”

Arthur looked up at him for a moment before silently doing as Merlin asked, turning onto his back and getting himself comfortable as Merlin moved closer to lay beside him, reaching down to pull Arthur’s thigh gently to coax him into opening his legs.

Following direction quietly and surprisingly obediently, Arthur spread his thighs as much as he could, chest and neck flushing when he followed Merlin’s gaze down his own body when Merlin ran a hand down his thigh until he reached his cock, fingers brushing over the still hard length of it.

“How do you feel?” Merlin asked, but kissed him deeply before he could reply. “Like this?”

Arthur arched into the feather light touches on his cock like it would somehow make Merlin wrap his hand around it properly. “I feel… exposed… open. Vulnerable.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No, I like it. I feel closer like this… rather than when I’m on my hands and knees.” Arthur confessed, pulling Merlin into another kiss and moaning throatily when Merlin’s lube covered finger resumed teasing over his hole like before.

The sound had heat pooling low in Merlin’s stomach, his own cock twitching and growing wetter where it was pressed against the outside of Arthur’s muscular thigh.

From there things were much easier, Arthur’s soft sounds of pleasure growing steadily louder and more frequent as Merlin took his time opening him up, stretching him out properly before bringing another finger into play.

By the time Merlin had three fingers knuckle deep inside him Arthur’s skin was shiny with sweat and he was pushing hard against Merlin’s fingers, thighs trembling with the exertion of being held open with no support.

“Merlin!” Arthur all but shouted when Merlin curled his fingers inside him, and Merlin knew he’d found his prostate when Arthur reached down and started fisting his own cock with earnest, clearly desperate for release.

Stilling his fingers, Merlin simply rubbed over that single spot again and again, watching the conflict on Arthur’s face trying to decide whether to grind down against Merlin’s hand or rut up into the circle of his own fist.

“Is this how you want to come, love?” Merlin asked, leaning down to run his tongue over Arthur’s perked nipple and revelling in the way his whole body shuddered in response. “I’ll let you, if that’s what you want.”

Arthur shook his head madly and immediately stopped touching himself. “No, no.” he rambled, eyes swimming with tears that Merlin hadn’t expected. He could count on one hand the amount of times Arthur had cried during sex. “Not like this— want to come with… with you inside me.”

“Do you think you’re ready?” Merlin smiled, scissoring his fingers and holding Arthur open just to watch the way Arthur bit his kiss-reddened bottom lip in a futile effort to bite back his cry of pleasure.

Nodding almost shyly, Arthur threw him a pleading look. “Yes, I’m ready. Please Merlin— I’ll lose it soon if you don’t.”

Kissing him in lieu of an answer, Merlin carefully eased his fingers out of Arthur’s now slightly swollen hole and made quick work of rolling the condom on and covering his cock with near excessive amounts of lube.

The last thing he wanted was to cause his boyfriend pain and besides, when Arthur wanted to be fucked like this he always wanted it messy, too.

“Can I stay on my back?” it was odd, hearing Arthur ask permission for things so quietly. “I… I want to see you.”

Hopelessly in love and helplessly endeared, Merlin nodded, moving to settle between Arthur’s still spread legs. “You don’t even need to ask— I want to see you, too.”

Reaching to grab a pillow that Arthur wasn't laid on, Merlin slid it under Arthur’s hips so that he’d be more comfortable and lay one hand against Arthur’s abdomen, thumb stroking the skin in comforting circles, the other gripping his own cock and guiding it to Arthur’s waiting hole.

“I love you, Merlin.” Arthur said, and Merlin knew that was his way of giving him the green light.

Moments later and Merlin was pushing inside slowly, biting his lip hard as he resisted just thrusting all the way into the tight heat now enveloping him all in one go.

For as careful as he was, Arthur still screwed his face up, hands coming up to grip Merlin’s shoulders just for something to hold onto.

“I love you too, Arthur.” Merlin all but cooed, bending low so that he could reach to pepper kisses all over Arthur’s flushed face. “I’ve got you so just relax—”

“Merlin—” Arthur sounded wrecked, close to tears once more.

Merlin kissed him soft and slow. “Ssh, darling. Let me take care of you.”

It wasn't often that either of them used pet names, really, but Merlin had discovered long ago that whenever Arthur was feeling vulnerable soft endearments and encouragements helped to soothe him.

A soft, panted _you can move, please move_ and Merlin soon found his rhythm, an easy push and pull that had Arthur pulling him into messy, uncoordinated kisses and breathing needy little moans into his mouth, his neck, his chest— it honestly had Merlin close to losing it in an embarrassingly short time.

“Merlin,” the word broke around a quiet cry and Merlin pulled away far enough to brush sweat-dampened hair from Arthur’s face. “I— _Merlin!_ ”

Arthur was beautiful like this, lost in his pleasure, chest heaving and lips bitten red, hands gripping Merlin’s tightly when Merlin pushed them into the pillows either side of his head. “You’re so close… please…”

Shifting back and running his hands down the length of Arthur’s body as he went, Merlin sat up a little, enough that he could lift one of Arthur’s legs and rest his thigh over his shoulder, Arthur’s other leg automatically coming up to hook around Merlin’s waist. The change in angle had Merlin’s cock sliding impossibly deeper, and he knew he’d found his prostate when Arthur let out a loud curse and a strangled cry of Merlin’s name.

“Almost— Merlin… I’m nearly there,” Arthur almost hiccupped, sapphire blue eyes darkening almost to violet when Merlin snapped his hips harder still, the sound of skin slapping against skin almost obscene now with Merlin determined to bring Arthur to orgasm first.

This time when Arthur wrapped a fist around his own cock Merlin said nothing, instead he pushed Arthur’s leg closer to his body so that Arthur could push up into a kiss that was mostly teeth, tongue and fire.

 _Perfect_.

“Merlin!” it was the only other warning Arthur gave before he shook apart completely and spilled his release hard between them with a soft little _oh_ , like it had somehow still surprised him despite how close, how _desperate_ he had been.

Arthur’s climax acted like a trigger for his own, because only moments later he too was balancing on the edge of delirium. “Close, Arthur.”

“On me, on me.” Arthur rambled, and for a moment Merlin didn’t understand.

“What—” Merlin broke off when he realised what Arthur meant, pulling out carefully and pressing an apologetic kiss to Arthur’s knee when he whimpered quietly.

Letting Arthur’s leg down, Merlin straightened, quickly removing the condom and gasping when Arthur half sat up and wrapped his hand around Merlin’s cock before he could even move to do it himself.

“Shit, that feels good,” Merlin praised when Arthur tightened his fist around the head of his cock, thumb sliding back and forth over it until Merlin was shuddering into orgasm and coming all over Arthur’s stomach and the mess already there.

Tossing the already discarded condom into the small bin near the bed, Merlin clambered over Arthur to drop down beside him, his own heavy breathing matching with Arthur’s panting.

“I think my entire body is numb,” Merlin gave an amused huff a short while later. “I should probably get a cloth or something though so that our bath wasn’t a complete waste of time.”

Merlin wasn’t particularly bothered about the mess, he’d just shower later or in the morning, but Arthur probably wouldn't want to wait.

“Don’t go, I don’t care about the mess,” Arthur pleaded quietly when Merlin made to climb out of bed. “Just— just hold me,”

Surprised but endeared, Merlin did as Arthur asked, shifted onto his back and held an arm out for Arthur to curl against his chest. He did so without hesitation, pressing light kisses to the skin of Merlin’s pecs.

Carding his fingers through the back of Arthur’s hair as they calmed down Arthur was so quiet Merlin thought he was asleep, but just as he was beginning to drift off himself Arthur’s voice broke the silence.

“I’m so sorry Merlin, for the way I’ve been behaving lately,” Arthur didn't look at him and spoke instead into his chest. “I never meant to hurt you— I hope you know that.”

“I do know that, so you don’t need to apologise,”

“I do though,” Arthur insisted. “Having problems doesn't give me the right to mistreat my friends or neglect _you_ ,” he looked up at Merlin, eyes shining like stars in the dim light of the room. “I love you more than anything else in this world— I need you to understand that.”

Merlin moved the hand that had been previously tracing absent patterns over the arm Arthur had thrown across his chest to tilt his chin up enough to kiss him softly. “I love you more than anything too, Arthur. I always have.”

“I miss Morgana and I want to get to know Morgause too— I miss my _family_.” Arthur confessed, finally spilling that which he’d allowed to fester inside for far too long. “My father is all but broken without Morgana but he’s a stubborn man, too proud to admit he made a mistake and will never change his mind about the company. I want to make him proud Merlin, I do, but I don't want my family tearing apart either.”

“What about _you_?” Merlin kissed Arthur again, little chaste presses of his lips to Arthur’s cheeks, nose and forehead. “When you are CEO things could be different.” He traced his fingertips over Arthur’s eyebrows and smiled when the touch tickled and made Arthur laugh softly. “You could reinstate Morgana, make her co-owner or even transfer ownership solely to her.”

Arthur nodded, though the small smile he gave Merlin pulled down at the edges of his mouth. “I thought about that but my sister refuses to even take my calls so that I can talk to her about it— I don’t know what to do, Merlin.”

“Oh Arthur,”

“I feel like I’m losing everything I love, everything I’ve fought so hard for all my life and I’m terrified that someday soon I’m going to lose you too.” Arthur sniffled, tearful again, but continued before Merlin could speak. “I _know_ that I can be uptight and difficult sometimes, I know that I’ve been brought up with strict ideals that sometimes lead me down the wrong path but I love you so much, Merlin. More than the company I’ve been raised to inherit and certainly much more than my own life and wellbeing.”

Arthur’s voice cracked around a sob, and he kissed Merlin with so much _feeling_ it almost brought him to tears, too. “I wish I could be more laid back sometimes, more like Gwaine and the others but it’s _so hard_ to break away from everything I know… perhaps if I were different then the people I love wouldn't keep leaving me.”

Kissing Arthur’s hair when he cried, Merlin assured him that his family and friends loved him just the way he was and that in the end everything would work out. “I love you with all my heart, Arthur, I’m happy with you,” he promised before his boyfriend could ask that question again. “Everything I am belongs to you, I truly believe that there’s nothing we can’t face if we face it together— we’re destined, I’m sure of it.

“You’re a good leader, and with a few changes to the company you can be happy there again, your friends will support you, and I’ll be right there by your side, protecting you in any way I can because you are precious, Arthur, you’re a good man and true to your heart no matter the cost. I’m proud of you for that.”

Though there were still tear stains on Arthur’s face, he looked at Merlin like he’d hung every single star in the sky just for him. It made Merlin smile and his heart turn over in happiness. “Go and see Morgana, tell her your ideas and ask her what she really wants. I’ll go with you if you like— I can play mediator.”

“What about everybody else?” Arthur asked, a worried frown furrowing his brow. “How do I make it up to them?”

Merlin thought for a moment. “We could have a party here! Invite everyone and patch things up over beer and pizza. If we’re having Leon and Elyan over we should ask Mithian and Elena too— matchmaking your ex-girlfriends to your friends seems to be a strange talent of yours.”

It was how Lance and Gwen had ended up together, after all.

When Arthur laughed then Merlin wished he could somehow lock the sound in a music box that he could then open whenever he wanted to listen to it. Perhaps he should just try to make Arthur laugh more, instead. That way he’d never have to miss the sound or need a way of playing it back.

“You’re stronger than any man I know,” Merlin resumed stroking his fingers through Arthur’s thick hair. “But that doesn't mean you have to shoulder every burden alone, okay? I’m your partner and I _love_ you and I’ll never judge you for your insecurities, I don’t care how many times I have to say it— it's true. You don’t need to be more like Gwaine or anyone else, you’re _Arthur_ , and that’s more than enough for me.”

The tears having finally stopped, Arthur smiled a little brighter. “You’re doing it again,”

“What?”

“Being incredibly wise and always knowing what to say to make me feel like I’m the most important person in the world.” Arthur took one of Merlin’s hands and held it tight to his own chest where Merlin could feel the strong pounding rhythm of his heart. “I have no idea what I did to deserve such love and loyalty but I’ll be forever grateful that you came into my life.”

Merlin laughed before he could start crying. “When we met you thought I was a bumbling idiot.”

“True,” Arthur smirked. “And you thought me an arrogant prat.”

“You’re still a prat, but I love you.”

“I love you too, always.” Arthur sounded so earnest Merlin wanted to do nothing more than kiss him until the sun came up. “I’m glad you’re here, Merlin.”

“Me too,” Merlin could see that Arthur was getting tired, his eyelashes fluttering as he fought to stay awake. “Sleep now, love, we can make plans tomorrow.”

Arthur didn't reply, merely curled up and pressed a tender kiss first to Merlin’s lips, then to his chest before settling down properly and closing his eyes. Wrapping his arms around Arthur to keep him close through the night, Merlin knew that Arthur’s insecurities couldn't be magically fixed with lovemaking, kisses, cuddles and a few heartfelt words, but he figured it was a good place to start.

One day, Arthur would see that he was destined to become the man Merlin already knew him to be inside and they would be happy together for a long time to come. 

Happy in the life, the _future_ they would build together. Their own little secret kingdom full of friends and family that loved and supported one another through the trials of life, and Arthur would be the one to bring them all together, one way or another.

The king of Merlin’s heart— that he would follow anywhere, and always.

*****

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you thought and thank you so much for reading! ♡


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